Marriage: A Ministry of Sanctification

The following is an excerpt from a sermon delivered by Daniel Sachs, The Marriage School President, at Lebanon Presbyterian Church on November 15, 2025.

In the opening chapters of Genesis, God declares, "It is not good for man to be alone." From Adam's own body, He creates Eve. When Adam awakens and sees her, he says: "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." No shame. No wounds. No baggage. Just purity and beauty. The last thing God creates is marriage.

But we're not in Paradise anymore. And we're not in heaven yet. We live in between, where our marriages unfold in a fallen world, amid our own brokenness and the forces that seek to destroy what God designed.

A Higher Standard Than Happiness

We like to think in terms of happy marriages, good marriages, terrible marriages. But Scripture offers a different standard: partnering with Jesus in the ministry of sanctification.

Ephesians 5 tells husbands to love their wives "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her." This is higher than happiness. It's the calling to help your spouse become who God created them to be.

I once heard a couple celebrating 50 years of marriage. The husband kept saying, "It's been a smooth ride. Really great and wonderful." That story bothered me for years. Part of me wondered, "What's wrong with me? Because I'm struggling. This is not easy."

But I've come to believe the opposite is true. If everything is fine all the time, I'm really worried about you. We can go on cruise control. Disengage. "Good enough." We swallow our longings until they grow into bitterness and resentment.

God has something better.

I Can't Give What I Haven't Received

The Bible is honest: if we come close enough to another human being, we will suffer. First Corinthians 13 sounds beautiful, but it's really a response to fallen creatures. "Love is patient. Not irritable. Not resentful. Bears all things." I wouldn't need that if everything were smooth.

As much as I want to embrace this calling, I'm limited. My capacity to love correlates directly to how much I've received God's love for me. If I'm not a conduit for His love, what comes out of me will be a cheap imitation. I might do the dishes. Make the bed. But being a conduit for His love? That's what He's really after.

At our men's retreat last September, the Lord spoke to me: "I am in love." A play on words. I am in Him. I am in love. And He started filling me up. I felt my heart expanding because I need more of His love to give it away.

Covenant Says Yes

If you're struggling in your marriage, God has victory in store. He is a covenant God, 100% faithful. Some things might take another day, another year, or another three decades. But God hasn't given up on you. Why would you give up on anyone else?

Maybe we think we deserve better. And in a sense, we do. Rachel deserves better. But Jesus also deserves better than what I have to offer. And what does He do? He's faithful. He loves me. I'm free. I'm forgiven. I'm accepted. I want to pass that on.

Covenant says yes. All the way, yes. And if it's not yes, I come back to yes. If I stumble, if I have a million ways to escape my yes, I come back and say yes again.

That's covenant love.

Questions to Ask Him

Come to the Lord with childlike courage. Ask directly:

Lord, what do you want me to celebrate in my relationship?

What are you asking me to give to my spouse?

What do I need to receive from you first?

When I ask those questions, I get to eat my own medicine quickly. And with the answer comes the power to actually do it.